Clam, Baked

…

…

…

Are you–

“We’re eating Benjy!”

–eating…Goddammit, Billy: this is weird even for you.

“Done a lotta shit in this life, man. Sold out football stadiums, orgied with Dan Healy, punched dick across this great nation and several other slightly shittier nations; never ate man.”

For a reason! Cannibalism is a bridge too far.

“What? Like you’ve never eaten anyone?”

…

That’s a terrible argument.

“Listen: I got all this Benjy and it’s gonna go to waste.”

How are you preparing him?

“Seafood Paella with Benjy Bits.”

Is there a vegetarian option?

“You can eat around the Benjy Bits.”

I’m not coming to dinner.

“You weren’t invited.”

Things That Will Get You Thrown Out Of The Taper’s Section

• Hiccups.
• Tourette’s
• Being a slacker.
• Writing checks your butt can’t cash.
• Using a My First Sony.
• Wearing white after Labor Day.
• Being white after Election Day, 2008. Thanks, Obama!
• Constantly asking, “What happens if I press this button?” and then pressing the button.
• Not asking; just pressing buttons at random.
• Bird calls.
• Physical comedy.
• Being Magneto.
• Bringing that string licorice and whipping fuckers in the back of the neck with it.
• Demanding “Let Bill Sing.”
• Not sucking up to Healy.
• Honestly? Having girl parts.

Eighty-Five, Man

I just started in on today’s Listening, beginning with 7/2/85 in Pittsburgh. Check it out for nothing but the Jack Straw, where they basically dare themselves to play it that fast, and then mostly pull it off.

Plus, Healy is already being a giant creep–weirding Bobby’s voice all over the place and pulling his usual bullshit.