Face Made For Radio

This is Jabba Kilkenny or Jesus Kentucky or some ridiculous name. In the background, we can see Bobby barely suppressing a smirk about how much better his hair looks.

(Seriously, that guy is so unpresentable, I can’t believe he wasn’t in the Dead.)

Where The Neon Madman Climbs

Billy immediately climbed up the rungs behind Garcia and started doing his Drop Bear impression. Three kids died, but you know: the 70’s.

The Beast At The Ending Of The Wood

Terrible Dead Art returns! Have you ever asked yourself, “Is there such a thing as a piece of furniture that qualifies as “probable cause” AND would terrify any child that saw it?” Well, if you had, here’s the answer: a life-size Garcia cabinet.

On the upside, you can keep your weed in there.

Paint The Town (Blood) Red

“The FUCK did you say to me, motherfucker?”

Mississippi Half-Step Nudie-Loo

Garcia, you handsome motherfucker.

All Your Bass Belong To Phil

Just when you thought Phil’s taste in guitars couldn’t get any worse, he would whip out his five-string semi-acoustic bass and set the bar both higher and lower simultaneously.

(Flappy) Bird Song

“No, Phil: go up.”

“Flap harder. Harder.”

“THESE FLAPPY BIRDS ARE ENRAGING PHIL!”

Maybe You Had Too Much…

Listening to too much Dead? (As if that were a possibility.) here are some helpful signs that you might want to load up some other bands on your iTunes.

• You can’t look at your watch without relating the time to show dates: e.g. “It’s 2:18. BEAUTIFUL JAM.”
• Your first thought upon hearing of Russia’s invasion of the Crimea is, “Billy could stop this in 15 minutes.”
• You get a cat, name it John Kahn, and it immediately starts enabling your heroin habit.
• The only reason you do leg day at the gym is because Halloween is coming and you’re going as 80’s Bobby. Again.
• You wonder how John Travolta would pronounce Phil’s name. (Paul Loing.)
• You’ve listened to the entire 30-minute rehearsal version of My Brother Esau from 3/14/83.
•  You’re 1500 posts in to a maddeningly obscure blog about the Dead.
• You refer to fat people as Wall of Pounds.
• You’re already camped out in front of Barnes & Noble waiting for Billy’s book.
• And you’re in costume.
• And you’ve punched three booksellers, seven random pedestrians, and a dachshund named Colin in the dick.
• Someone asks you what you want for your birthday and you automatically answer, “The security alarm code to Bobby’s house.”
• At international customs they ask you if you have anything to declare and you say, “1979 was really underrated.”
• You throw a tantrum when Words With Friends won’t accept “Godchaux.”