Thoughts on the Dead

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The Status Of Our Quo

Okay: here’s the deal. Can’t figure out how to get the Archives from here to there. It’s not an insurmountable problem, but until then, posts will continue here.

Figured out the Donate button at light speed, though, didn’t you?

You’re comparing apples to the Donate button. Leave the Donate button out of this: he’s done nothing to you.

Please don’t make the Donate button a character.

I could call him Don.

You’re a transparent villain treading water in the night soil.

Sure. Question.


What did Dead & Company play tonight? Anyone call it?

No one important.


Big News!

Drum roll, please!

Oh, I hate the drum roll bit.


We’re only on the second floor: go ahead.

Why must you be this way.

I am as God created me.

There’s big news.

The Tonight Show thing? Everyone knows.


You’re going to stop fucking around and talking to yourself and dead rock stars and write something real?


I give up. is open for business!






Are you still hanging around?

Where did you even come from?

Hey, guys. Whatcha do–

Get out.

Nope. Uh-uh. Not you. Not after what you did.

You knew who you were talking to, and what you were saying.

How could you do that?



I just thought…


Yeah, no.

Sorry. Take care of yourselves. Okay.

That was really awkward.

I’m cringing. I got the shkeevs.

Lotta nerve.

After what he did.


Right! Whoo! This is great and wonderful. How’s the “Donate” button coming?

We weren’t going to mention that.

No, you weren’t going to discuss it with them. I feel we should have regular meetings about the subject. Also: question.

Hit me.

If the new site is open for business–

Don’t say business.

then why are we here?

Well, if I moved to a new home, I would bring my stuff with me. I can’t figure out how to get the archives and whatnot over there, plus the place looks like crap and needs redecorating before I’ll spend the night.

You’re such a picky princess.

After our bellies are full, life is aesthetics.

And a pretentious tit.

Never denied it.


Tough Ticket

img_3490“Who’s got my extra? Need one!”


“Oh, hey, how are ya, what’s up, what’s good, wow, hey, hi, all right, sure. Heh heh heh.”


“C’mon, we’ll play a game, or we could lip sync, wanna lip sync?


“Trying to get in to see the Dead, gonna shake my bones, party a little, isn’t this fun?”

Don’t you host this show? For some reason?

“Oh! Oh! Right! Heh heh, forgot about that.”

You’ve started day drinking, haven’t you?

“Heh heh.”

Stop giggling: you’re a forty-year old millionaire.

“That’s what I’m giggling about. Let’s play charades!”

Jesus, man.

All Or Nothing, Nothing Or All

Enthusiasts, you know my position on fucks: all or nothing. Expend them like a salmon going home to fuck and die, or don’t leave the house. Strain against the world until your bones snap like Twix bars in a backpack; stumble backwards into beauty and grace. These are the only paths to greatness. No great work was achieved with some fucks. Give it your all, or don’t answer the phone.

This is why the two greatest rock videos ever made are November Rain and this one by The Replacements.

Mickey Hart Relaxes Before The Tonight Show

[PDF] Spock petting black catHey, Mickey. Whatcha Doing?

“Thinking about Pigpen for some weird reason. Can’t figure it out.”

I can.



Bob Weir Prepares For The Tonight Show

Monkey Bob Weir ( )Hey, Bobby. Whatcha doing?

“Getting awful tired of this joke.”

I assure you: you are the only one.

“Stop laughing.”


“You gonna do this every time I have a TV appearance?”




Oteil Burbridge’s Excitement About The Tonight Show Appearance Is Contagious

[PDF] Happy 50th anniversary of
And congrats to Jimmy Fallon for having such a diverse crew.

Billy Tells John Mayer To Wait There, Then Bursts Into Jimmy Fallon’s Dressing Room

[PDF] -Willy Wonka & The
What it says on the label.

Jeff Chimenti Prepares For The Tonight Show

eagle jeff chimentiIs that your natural color, Jeff Chimenti?

“Only Big-Dicked Sheila knows for sure.”

Break a wing tonight.


You Just Gotta Fiddle Around

Hey, Bobby. Whatcha doing?

“Tuning up for the big TV spot. Gonna be on Carson.”




“Is Josh Meyers guest-hosting again?”

Jimmy Fallon.


Yeah, that’s about the only right answer to that. He’s a little drunken giggler. Plays beer pong with his guests so he doesn’t have to have a conversation like a grown-up.

“Ah. Must have missed the announcement.”

Bobby, why are you tuning up? The show’s not for, like, seven hours.

“Well, you know: I can either tune now, or do it while we’re supposed to be playing like usual.”

Now’s good.


One more question: how many songs you guys doing?

“Um. Just, uh, the one.”

One song?

“That’s the way these things work.”

Then why do you need so many doodads?

“If I didn’t bring them, how would people know I played guitar?”

You’re holding one.

“Sometimes, you don’t get it, man.”

Have a good show, Bob.