The Wheels Are Turning

by thoughtsonthedead

img_3342As I mentioned, this was a private party thrown by Wheels Up, which is a private travel membership service. Rich people like privacy. Well, everybody likes privacy, but rich people are much better at getting at.

As you may have noticed, if you don’t have a bomb strapped to your chest, aren’t drunkenly yelling ethnic slurs, and have $200, you will be allowed on a plane.* Sheer rabble is permitted to fly now: whole cabins are full of wastrels and the thick-necked. Even if you buy a first-class ticket–or, even better, get someone else to buy your first class ticket–you can still smell the aroma of their flipped flops and tracked suits.

Better just to avoid the whole situation.

Which is where Wheels Up (or one of their competitors, and there are a few) comes in: for a low membership fee, you get access to a fleet of private jets 24/7. Just access, of course: you don’t get on the aircraft unless you pay again, this time by the hour. The website does not mention how much the hourly charge is, which is much like a restaurant not listing the price on the menu: if you have to ask, etc.

Like the man said, privilege has its memberships.

Of course, Wheels Up members enjoy far more than just an up-to-date fleet and handsome captains. (Wheels Up has the handsomest captains in the entire private air travel industry.) They also offer special events, such as the Bobby show seen above, and–of course–an award-winning concierge service.

Now, if you’re a Wheels Up member, then you’re also most likely a holder of at least an Amex Platinum card, which also comes with concierge service. Also, you are likely going to a very fancy hotel which also provides concierge service. Can you make the concierges fight? What about making them kiss? Can you set them against each other at tasks, such as bringing you cakes and treats, and reward the winner and stab the loser? This also brings up the matter of concierge jurisdiction, but I’m not qualified to address that.

Here’s the best part about Wheels Up: it’s not for the richest people. Because first of all, the richest people aren’t rich, they’re wealthy; and second, they own planes. This is for plain ol’ rich folks just struggling to get by on a couple million a year.

Kosher meals are available upon request.


*As with so very many other things, the opening of the skies to the masses was Jimmy Carter’s fault. Airplane Deregulation Act of 1978. I looked something up.