Super Bowl Fun Facts!

by thoughtsonthedead

  • The Super Bowl was named after Lamar Hunt’s favorite prostitute.
  • Not a bowl at all; no bowls are involved in the entire process. It’s a football game.
  • The first Super Bowl is lost to history, as there is no film of the event; also, spectators and both teams were executed after the game, and the stadium torn down and the ground salted. (It’s just how they did things back then.)
  • Speaking of that first Super Bowl (Packers 35, Chiefs 10 in LA), the network’s pregame coverage was a half-hour of white dudes in blazers holding giant microphones at one another; this year’s pregame show started two days ago and Florida Georgia Line has been dueting with Lady Antebellum for ninety minutes.
  • Little known Constitutional fact: if the National Anthem of a different nation is sung before the Super Bowl, then we are all officially citizens of that country. Like, if Madonna came out and sang God Save the Queen because she thinks she’s British now? BOOM: we’re colonies again.
  • This is not the first time that the game has been held somewhere other than the place it’s advertised as being held: they had it in “New York” two years ago and the event didn’t even occur in the state of New York. At least Santa Clara shares a Governor with San Francisco.
  • If you open up a bowling alley and name it “Super Bowl,” you will get the living fuck sued out of you. And quickly, too: you’d be coming down the ladder from hanging up the sign when lawyers started handing you things.
  • The Houston Astros have never won the Super Bowl.
  • After Supers Bowl (that’s the correct pluralization, trust me) IV and V, the stadium switchboard operators were told not to put President Nixon’s calls through to the sidelines no matter how much he cursed.
  • Some of the time, the Rams play in the Super Bowl, but most of the time they do not.
  • We are lucky this year: it’s only two or three times a decade we get media discussions about the Meaning of Black Quarterbacks, plus interviews of both an individual and joint nature with said Black Quarterback in which he is asked What It’s Like to Be a Black Quarterback.
  • There will be neither media discussion nor interviews on the Meaning of Black Cornerbacks.
  • Peyton Manning not only attended the first Super Bowl, but he drove himself to the stadium that day.
  • Concord grapes are the Official Grapes of Super Bowl 50! Did you know that in the century following the introduction of Concord grapes, more of these purple slip-skin grapes were sold than all other species combined Today, growers harvest more than 336,000 tons in the U.S. Washington State grows the largest number, followed by New York, Michigan, Pennsylvania, Ohio and Missouri.
  • At Super Bowl XXVII, the Cowboys came into their locker room, saw that there were brown M&Ms in the candy bowl, and refused to take the field.
  • Did you know we have a military? If you had forgotten, the Super Bowl will remind you of the fact.
  • If you were thinking about saying something racist or dumb on Twitter, then during the game would be the time.
  • Miami and New Orleans have both played host to ten Super Bowls; Gary, Indiana, has so far not had any.
  • For the players, appearing in the Super Bowl will be the memory they’ll miss the most in a few years.
  • Many billions of dollars will be wagered on an astonishing selection of betting possibilities, and the outcome of most of the bets will depend on the kicker; this is because the Lord is hilarious.
  • Also, the phrase “sports book” is one of the more evocative in the language.
  • Nothing good happens in a sports book.
  • Occasionally, something great happens there, but nothing good.
  • You should not marry someone you meet in a sports book, even a real nice one.
  • In fact, especially a real nice one.
  • If you’re a foreign Enthusiast and a bit confused about all the hullabaloo, let me put it in perspective: the Super Bowl is so important to American culture that on the day it’s played the banks are closed, the mail is not delivered, and the stock market does not trade.
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