Maybe One Day Your Bass Will Be In Lights

by thoughtsonthedead

img_3299Alternate Uses for the LED Lights on Phil’s Bass:

  • If the power were to go out, Phil could lead the crowd to safety using his bass as a beacon.
  • Can be programmed to flash in a strobe-effect, which hypnotizes onlookers; luckily, Phil only uses this technology for good, and has helped several people quit smoking.
  • He made a couple guys cluck like chickens, but that was all in good fun.
  • Really helps in picking the bass out in a crowd, like when Phil has to pick it up from the airport or they get separated at the mall.
  • This might sound odd, but Phil’s bass and Mike Gordon’s new bass–which has similar frippery–have started communicating; the closest analogy would be cuttlefish, I suppose: there’s a lot of colors and patterns and they very well be as intelligent as us, but lack thumbs or combustion, and therefore live in a culture-less Infinite Present.
  • Humans: one; cuttlefish and/or sentient, hand-crafted instruments: zero.
  • If someone evil were to pick up the bass, the LED lights would glow red.
  • They would similarly turn red were Phil to become a Sith.
  • I don’t know how great a Jedi Phil would be, but he would be a lousy Sith; he would half-ass it.
  • “Rise, Darth Ravage.”
  • “Darth Ravage? Nah, that sucks. I’m just gonna be Darth Phil.”
  • “What? No. You can’t be Darth Phil. You’re Darth Ravage. It is decided.”
  • “Decided? Kiss my ass.”
  • And so on.
  • The LED lights glow brightly in the presence of orcs, but only in the first film; after that, Peter Jackson just forgot about it.
  • Phil honors holidays both religious and secular with his be-lighted bass: red, white, and blue for the Fourth, green for Earth Day.
  • Also green for 4/20.