As everyone is sick of hearing by now, New York and the rest of the Northeast are getting their eyelids glued shut by gooey bullet after gooey bullet of snowjizz, which may seem like a strange way to put it, but the weather is getting downright odd lately.
Here’s something, though, that you might not know: there are parts of the world that are not New York. Furthermore, these places have their own weather.
In England, for example, it is raining. The sky opened up a little bit this morning, and then this afternoon there was a bit of weather, and then it started spitting, and a good hour of drizzle around supper, but now it is well and truly raining. The overnight forecast calls for dampness, and around dawn it should begin plothering.
It’s almost 130 degrees in the Libyan desert, but they measure in Celsius, so it feels much cooler.
In West Hollywood, CA, it is raining men, which is good because there has been such a terrible drought in that region, but bad because they need it to rain water, and not men. It is actually terrifying and destructive to have men raining down onto a populated area: it is not sexy at all. That song is a damnable lie.
Russia? Is snow. Snow, then snow, then fistfight in intersection, then uzi, then snow. Is Russia, is snow. But no complain like American pussy. You are pussy, Russian is man. Even Russian woman is man. When Czar come and eat my children in front of me, I not complain. Am man. When KGB arrest me for crimes against turnip, I not complain. Russian fuck snow in the ass.
Speaking of Russia, it’s -27 at the Thule Air Base in Greenland. The base doesn’t make sense on a map, but if you look at a globe, you understand the location’s significance: it’s the first-response base for when the Commies send over the Tu-16s after one of Kruschev’s late-night vodka orgies. No one told Thule Air Base that it was 2015 and they probably didn’t need to be there anymore. Poor Thule Air Base.
In Saigon, the temperature is 106 degrees and rising.