Alternate Uses For $10,666.65

by thoughtsonthedead

cowboy fancy
Before we get to the meat of the matter, whoever priced this thing can kiss my ass: the Dead never did the Satan thing. When Gibson makes the Tony Iommi model SG, then they can sell it for something-and-666 dollars. Why didn’t you make the price $10,420? Or $10,050? Or $10,011? All of those would have been better choices, and do not even begin to start to begin with any argument that pretends like guitar prices aren’t totally arbitrary: I used to work in a guitar store, and that business is retail as fuck.

Anyway, to the bullet points! Other Things You Could Do With Ten Grand (And A Little More):

  • I know I always mention this, but you could easily have someone killed for that much money.
  • In America, mind you: we are not discussing the many places in the world where, due to the global economy and the vagaries of exchange rates, you could have an entire town killed for that much money.
  • You could have an American murdered, or buy this guitar.
  • If education is important to you, then you could purchase ten credits worth of it at my Alma Mater. (I’m not kidding; I just looked; the place is $40 grand a fucking year now. I think the guitar is a better choice, honestly: Bobby chose the guitar over school, and he’s a rock star with a beard. I’m not a rock star, and I don’t have a beard. Who wins?)
  • 2009 Ford Crown Victoria with 60,000 miles on it, which is a great deal.
  • 355 painted turtles, which may or may not be a great deal, but I don’t know enough about the current turtle market to judge; I will say that no one needs that many turtles for any good reason.
  • If you need 355 painted turtles, you are up to some bullshit.
  • Buying 21 cows, on the other hand, sounds a lot more acceptable.
  • That just makes you a farmer, whereas the turtle thing surely makes you a pervert.
  • If we just limit our comparison to Guitar Center, then you could buy 53 shitty guitars or two Jimmy Page Gibson double-necks.
  • The Jimmy Page Gibson double-neck should also have a 666-related price point.
  • All (or most, at least) of Stacy Bendet’s new capsule collection for Alice + Olivia, a fashion line known for whimsy and charging a thousand dollars for pieces of clothing.
  • Certain pieces of clothing should be a thousand dollars: firefighters’ coats, or those overalls people wear in Antarctica.
  • Spacesuits should probably cost a bit more, if we’re honest.
  • I don’t know why a skirt is twelve hundred dollars, but rich people need clothes, too.
  • We shouldn’t bully the rich.
  • That’s moneyshaming.
  • Lifetime supply of spaghetti.
  • If you gave Bobby ten grand, he’d probably come to your house and hang out for an hour.
  • Not a check: an envelope full of cash.
  • Bobby’d swing by.
  • Depending on what drug you enjoyed, you could have from three months to a year of way too much fun.
  • Certain drugs are a terrible idea to spend ten grand on.
  • Heroin and crystal meth, for example.
  • You would surely die, either from the heroin itself, or from the choices brought about from the crystal meth.
  • It is also a bad idea to purchase $10,666 worth of ayahuasca, because hipsters will appear to vomit and film their authentic journey for Vice magazine.
  • I have no idea how much cocaine costs, but I would assume that ten grand puts you into the wholesale market.
  • You probably don’t want to be in that market.
  • It’s hostile.
  • Shitload of fine marijuanas, or about two ounces at one of Oregon’s new legal shops.
  • 18,389 nitrous cartridges, but please don’t.