My Little China Girl

by thoughtsonthedead

katy greatwall
“I know kung fu, John Mayer.”

“There you are. How did you get to China?”

“”My journey began in Goa.”

“That sounds about right.”

“I was at the greatest party ever thrown.”

“They have that party every weekend in Goa. It’s just Ibiza, but you can’t get a steak.”

“My tripping squad assembled, and we took many things: LSD, mushrooms, molly, 2CB, RX7–”

“That’s a Mazda.”

“–G, K, H, and then we had some Q.”

“Q?”

“Quesadillas.”

“Sure.”

“I became one with the universe; then many with the multiverse; finally, I became all with the omniverse. I was a metaphysical slut, kinda. This set me on the path to East. I wandered through the jungles of Tooshir, and across the Desert of Rain; I forded many streams, and leaped over several small brooks and creeks. KNOWLEDGE? WHERE DO YOU LIVE? I cried out.”

“Literally?”

“A couple times.”

“Okay.”

“At last, I reached the Shaolin temple, where I had been told great masters trained.”

“Who told you that?”

“I met The RZA at the Grammy awards.”

“That makes sense.”

“I knocked on the door and pleaded my case, approaching as a supplicant and novitiate. They cursed me, John! Told me to go away and that I was stupid and smelly and other things, I would assume. I don’t speak Chinese.”

“Yeah, they won’t let you in the first time. What did you do?”

“Flashed ’em. Doors flew open. Girl’s gotta use what the good Lord gave her in this man’s world.”

“Okay. And you’re a Shaolin monk now?”

“I’ve been training, but the robes clash with my eyes and Moschino is whipping me up something, so I don’t look like a monk, but I’m totally a Shaolin monk now. I’ll kick your ass.”

“I thought this was about enlightenment?”

“Turns out kicking is more fun than meditating.”

“Please come home.”

“NO. I’M SPIRITUALLY EVOLVING.”

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