Found In The West

by thoughtsonthedead

A terrifying moment earlier in the evening, Enthusiasts: informed of a new post on Lost Live Dead, this one about Philadelphia and its crucial but overlooked role in the Dead’s success, I sprinted (in an internet sense: I actually moved a finger slightly) to the site only to find it temporarily down!

Gratefully, it has been restored and we can all enjoy it; I have not read it for fear of becoming obsessed with Philadelphia before getting the Japan thing fully out of my system. I can now share with you Similarities Between Japan And Philadelphia:

  • You can get Japanese food in both places.
  • There are movie theaters.
  • Most people sleep at night, but some people do not because of work or other reasons.
  • There is rain.
  • Other times, it is bright and clear.
  • They take sports seriously.
  • Ninjas are feared.
  • A touch of psychopathy and a deep loathing of their neighbors.
  • If you get hit by a car hard enough, you will die.
  • Although, you probably got hit intentionally if it was Philly.
  • You angered one of them, I don’t know, why’d you go to Philly if you didn’t want to be hit by a car?
  • Doodies are made in both places, but in very different ways; the Japanese are beating us in the Toilet Race.
  • My fellow Americans, there is a Tushee Gap.
  • You ever used a Japanese toilet?
  • It’s like checking your asshole into the Four Seasons.
  • iToilet.
  • BOOM: billion dollar idea; I just disrupted pooping; where’s my start-up money?
  • Plus the iToilet weighs and analyzes your leavings and tells you just how healthy and special you are: every yuppie asshole in the country would buy one, especially when they hear that it syncs to your phone and fitness tracker, and is a WiFi hotspot.
  • Japan and Philadelphia enjoy many varied pornographies.
  • Never won the Super Bowl.
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