A Dog’s Thoughts On Thanksgiving
“Hello. Hello. Hello.”
Who’s a good boy?
“I am! I am! It’s me: I am!”
You are! You are a good boy!
“I know! Everyone tells me that!”
How was your Thanksgiving?
How was your day?
Who’s a good boy?
“Me! Me! Oh, I love when you ask questions I can answer.”
Touch of grey in that muzzle, buddy. You got a couple years on you, huh?
“Are you serious with that question? I lack the mental framework to answer it.”
Gotcha. Anything you thankful for this year?
“The guy is pretty awesome.”
“The lady. Love the lady.”
“What’s that place with all the smells where I go to the bathroom called?”
“LOVE THAT PLACE. But, y’know what? Love the other place, too.”
“HOW GREAT IS INSIDE? Bed, food. Holy shit: have I not mentioned food yet?”
“SO thankful for food. I don’t even have to get it myself. The lady gets it. Or the guy, but mostly the lady.”
That’s how it goes, yeah.
“Toys. I am thankful for toys. Do you know what I like to do with toys?”
Pick ’em up and shake ’em around?
“Did you see another dog doing that? That’s my thing, man.”
I don’t know about that.
“Totally my signature move.”
Okay, fine. Where is everybody?
“They are not here.”
The man and the lady? When did they leave?
“Maybe ten minutes ago or possibly two years: please stop asking me time-related questions.”
“I’m a dog.”
You’re right. Anyway: who’s taking care of you?
“The girl. She comes and we walk and she takes pictures of me and we have fun and I am thankful for the girl.”
The girl? Wait. Does she look like this:
“Yes, that is her.”
“AAAAAAAAAAH! I GOT YOU, OLD MAN.”
Swaggie Maggie, stop breaking the ninth wall!
“I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.”
I might not quite know, either, but still.
“That is NOT MY DOG. I am looking AFTER HER and she is AWESOME and if you don’t think so I will FIGHT YOU.”
Please stop yelling.
“I made you look at my dog. I WIN.”
What are we playing?