Oral Exam

by thoughtsonthedead


“Yes, Jenkins?”

“I came up with those ideas you asked for.”

“Jazzing up the oral history genre! Splendid! Let’s hear them.”

“Sir, again I need to state that I don’t know how oral histories can be jazzed up, but you asked for ideas and I have some.”

“Ideas don’t need to make sense to be good.”

“Okay, sure. Anyway. How about instead or an oral history, we published a tactile history.”

“A tactile history? What the hell is that?”

“The reader would feel stuff, like in the children’s books. Except, you know: adult-themed.”


“There would probably be boobies.”


“Why not?”

“Great. Put a pin in that one and we’ll circle back to it. Next idea.”

“If you liked the tactile history, then what if we did a visual history?”

“That’s just pictures, jackass. Head in the game, Jenkins!”

“Sorry, sir. What if we wove a narrative through the art of flower-arranging?”

“A floral history?”




“Sir, I just don’t understand what you’re looking for.”

“Jenkins, what if we tell the story of a person or a band or event by having forty or fifty people sing it at the reader?”

“A choral history?”


“Our unit price would probably be too high.”


“Good idea, though, Sir.”

“It was. What if the people telling the story well and truly hated each other and disagreed on every detail?”

“I believe you speak of the quarrel history, Sir.”

“I do.”

“I would read that.”

“Jenkins, get the Van Halen brothers on the phone.”