Dave’s Big Year

by thoughtsonthedead

This is fun and short supercut of Dead archivist David Lembieuxrghini getting distracted by things while making the videos that announce the new Rhino releases.

Had you just viewed these three minutes, you might think DL was part bobcat, or maybe ocelot,  the way he so expertly eyed the birds and tracked them across the sky. Does David Lemieux stalk, pounce upon, and eat alive seabirds? We can never be sure.

Yes, we can. Stop that.

I have never seen a Canadian eat. I can neither assert nor deny the fact that they prowl the beaches like socialist pumas and eat birds raw. I don’t know enough to have an opinion about that.

You’re the most terrible sort of man.

So, you think I’m manly?

Please continue or don’t. Just don’t be weird.

Get off my dick.

You’re on your own dick, man.

Fine. I’m not big on repeating bits, but I feel that I must now present Even More Things That Have Distracted David Lemieux:

  • Noises.
  • Colors.
  • Zippers.
  • People talking foreign.
  • When David Lemieux sees a plane overhead, he wonder where it’s going and about the stories of the passengers and who’s waiting for them at home, and by this point has usually walked into a tree.
  • Pine cones, but only real big ones.
  • Any kind of bug you can imagine, including some that turned out no to be bugs upon closer inspection.
  • Ball of yarn.
  • Door #3.
  • A noise from down the corridor, even though he was supposed to be guarding the power plant for the tractor beam on the Death Star.
  • In David Lemieux’s other job as an insanely handsome boxer (look it up,) he is often distracted by his opponent’s nipples.
  • Baubles, even though David Lemieux knows that all that glitters is not gold.
  • Clouds that look like things.
  • Clouds that look like clouds.
  • A sky with no clouds at all.
  • Bridges.
  • Once a fish jumped out of the water and Dave lost his shit.
  • Boats, moving.
  • Boats, stationary.
  • Boats, imaginary.

David Lemieuxtant has also displayed quite a knack for spotting birds. Though not all mentioned in the video, he’s identified quite a few species during his videos, such as:

  • Great blue herons.
  • Good white herons.
  • Inadequate grey herons.
  • Loons.
  • Toons.
  • French-Canadian geese. (These are like Canadian geese, but with a chip on their shoulders/wings.)
  • Tufted snooterfarter.
  • Speckled gronk.
  • Splendid tit.
  • A grey parrot that could argue philosophy with you until you made a good point and it would shit on your head.
  • Seagulls.
  • Segals. (Jason, George, Katey.)
  • Emperor penguin.
  • Evil emperor penguin. (These are penguins with elaborate schemes.)
  • Last emperor penguin. (These are sweeping, epic penguins directed by Bernardo Bertolucci.)
  • Frigate bird.
  • Fuckit bird.
  • Nut thatch.