Reasons Why Giving The Grateful Dead A Flying Guillotine Would Be A Terrible Idea

by thoughtsonthedead

  • Many people would die, depending on to whom the flying guillotine was given.
  • The best case scenario is Phil slices off a thumb the first time he picked it up.
  • Worst case scenario, obviously, is either of the drummers getting ahold of it, with Mickey being more dangerous, as he has martial arts experience and seems like he have a better throwing arm than Billy.
  • Garcia most likely wouldn’t go near the thing, but he would almost certainly leave it lying around where just anyone could pick it up.
  • The media doesn’t report on this, but many children are accidentally decapitated when they play with flying guillotines their parents have left unsecured; responsible flying guillotine owners can take a free safety class offered by the NFGA (National Flying Guillotine Association.)
  • Both Brent and Keith would also injure themselves if given a flying guillotine, but Brent would do it on purpose, and Keith would fall onto it.
  • I really cannot emphasize enough how terrible an idea it would be to give the Grateful Dead a flying guillotine.

Watching Kung fu movies again, buddy?

Little bit.

Was it about a guy with–

Flying guillotine.

a flying…sure.

Great movie. Blind guy with a flying guillotine goes to a martial arts tournament and starts lopping off heads until the One-Armed Boxer kills him.

Go on.

The score is Krautrock.

Keep going.

Racist as shit.

How so?

The big martial arts tournament features fighters from all over Asia, except they’re all clearly Chinese dudes in whatever the  Eastern version of blackface is. In fact, the Indian fighter is actually literally objectively a Chinese dude in blackface.

This movie sounds full of microaggressions.

And of the macro variety: the bad guy wears a swastika smock the whole film.

The bad guy’s a Nazi?

Buddhist.

Same thing.

Mostly. You gotta see this: it’s old-school brutal and violent, but smart and funny – sometimes intentionally and sometimes, due to the budget being twelve bucks, by accident. There’s a gonzo propulsion to it which is aided by the fact that there is–and I’m not making this up–not one non-punching character.

No NPCs?

Everyone in movie punches someone in the face at least once.

Sold for a dollar and a quarter!

Check it out on YouTube for free or on iTunes for $3.99. The free version is subtitled instead of dubbed (yay!) but the print is not pristine for most of the film and–in several short scenes–almost unwatchable. (They’re short, I promise.) Master of the Flying Guillotine, live and at the right price on any device of your choosing. This is the future we’ve chosen.

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