Other People Besides The Grateful Dead It Would Be A Terrible Idea To Give A Flying Guillotine To

by thoughtsonthedead

  • Children.
  • The violently insane.
  • The insanely violent.
  • Blind Kung fu masters sworn to revenge their disciples.
  • Floridians.
  • A superhero in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, because Cap would be jumping around and Iron Man would be quipping and then you would snatch a guy’s head clean off with your blood-dripper* and the movie would screech to a halt.
  • In honor of Friday the 13th, I will state that it would be a terrible idea to give Jason Voorhees a flying guillotine.
  • No aspect of police work would be improved by the addition of a flying guillotine.
  • Police are allowed to have all sorts of equipment they don’t need nowadays, but not even the terminally law-and-order populace is going to allow the cops to wander around town flying guillotining people.
  • Firefighters and paramedics should also not have flying guillotines, not that they had requested them.
  • Let’s just make the rule “no government employee can have a flying guillotine.”
  • Except the Vice-President: that should be the Veep’s thing.
  • Like: at a state dinner, Joe Biden would walk into the room swinging the Flying Guillotine of Liberty over his head in threatening circles, telling ambassadors to go fuck themselves.
  • Or if someone was talking shit during the State of the Union speech, Biden would FwoooSWANG the guy’s head off from his seat, and then yank the head back, take it out of the Flying Guillotine of Freedom**, and mouthfuck the still-blinking skull in front of the joint session.
  • Remember that “You lie!” asshole?
  • FwooooSWANG.
  • If that kind of thing happened, then Donald Trump could not run on the platform of “making America strong again.”
  • Regardless of the moral and legal ramifications of the act, decapitating a sitting member of congress and yoinking his head back to have public sex on is an act of strength.
  • You ask if that strength could be dialed back a bit, or perhaps funneled into another activity: something more sanguine than exsanguinary?
  • Sure, but why do you hate America?
  • The Second Amendment guarantees the right to bear arms.
  • Ipso facto.
  • The Vice-President of the United States should be given a flying guillotine.
  • Q.E.D.

*The Cantonese name for the flying guillotine translates into “blood-dripper.” Fascinating culture.

**There would obviously be many different flying guillotines: the Flying Guillotine of Liberty, the Flying Guillotine of Freedom, the Flying Guillotine of Justice, and the Lincoln Guillotine†.

†The Lincoln Guillotine is shaped like a top hat.