On The Campaign Rail

by thoughtsonthedead

As you know, Enthusiasts, TotD is not just a place for stories, pictures, and thinly-veiled cries for help, no: TotD also happens to be the innertube’s leading curagator.

What?

I curate; I aggregate: I curagate.

You mean when you post other people’s work and act like you should be congratulated for finding it?

Yes.

Just so we’re clear.

May I continue?

I don’t know: may you?

That makes no sense.

You make no sense.

I am now ignoring him and returning to my original subject, which was the new article by Friend of Thoughts on the Dead (FoTotD) Nick Paumgarten. It is a short profile of Deadhead Martin Knott, Jr., Martin O’Malley’s money guy. Go read it now. When you are finished, please return here, or just leave the tab open and flip back and forth because I have Thoughts on this New Yorker Article.

Oh, please don’t start accusing people of things.

I cannot promise you that wild accusations will not be thrown about without a shred of evidence.

Okay, then.

  • First things first: Martin O’Malley is a person who is very important in Maryland: if you were in a jail in Maryland, Martin O’Malley could let you out just because he felt like it.
  • When you put it like that, society seems rather strange, doesn’t it?
  • Anyway, O’Malley was mayor of Baltimore and, according to Wikipedia, one of the inspirations for the character of the mayor in The Wire.
  • I haven’t seen the program, but I’m sure the mayor comes off well.
  • If you watched the first Democratic debate, Martin O’Malley was the guy who wasn’t a woman or an old Jew or the guy touting his Kill Count as a qualification for the Oval Office.
  • The guy you don’t remember.
  • No: that’s Lincoln Chafee.
  • The other guy you don’t remember.
  • On the other hand, no one had heard of Carter or Clinton this long before the elections in ’76 or ’88, and Americans always like governors.
  • Or perhaps he’s just keeping his name in Marylandians’ minds until he can run for Senate, bopping around the country on someone else’s dime and making contacts.
  • This is the long way of saying that Martin O’Malley, former Governor of Maryland, is running for President; he is currently polling at 7% in Iowa which is not a large amount of percents; he needs to get many more percents to be given the nuclear codes and plane.
  • The only way to get these percents is money: I mean, you have to run the money through a process first, but it comes down to money.
  • It’s like how plants turn sunlight into energy – the details are complicated, but the premise is simple.
  • And Martin O’Malley’s chlorophyll–
  • Don’t extend the already-shaky analogy.
  • –is named Martin Knott, Jr. who is also known as Today in Grateful Dead History; perhaps you get blasted by his e-mails.
  • Perhaps Martin Knott, Jr., blasts you in the face with his emails, and then makes you sit there with his emails smeared all over your face, and then he takes pictures and sends them to your mom.
  • Or maybe your phone just goes “ding.”
  • Either way.

Okay, that’s enough.

Did you just pull the emergency brake on the bullet points bit?

You’re getting weird and digressive; the only actual information in the entire thing was “A couple Irishmen from Baltimore want better jobs; one of them enjoys a certain semi-defunct choogly-type band.”

Yes, that’s true. I see that now.

Need to space the bullet points out a bit, chief. Otherwise, it’s just an obvious way to get around the difficult work of shaping your precious thoughts into paragraphs.

No, it’s that I believe that paragraphs are inherently structures of dominance: the topic and concluding sentences are privileged over the supporting details. Even their name–“supporting” details–shows their oppressed nature. Bullet points give equal voice to all.

Perhaps, when used properly. But you’ve co-opted the format of equality and imposed a liner, causative, and therefore hierarchical narrative that privileges the thinker over the thought.

I see your bullshit is as thick as mine.

Your foolishness will not be tolerated on any level. Now: would you like to try again?

Yes.

Please do.

Thanks you. This is Thoughts on this New Yorker Article, Take Two:

  • Martin O’Malley is running for President and his two main money guys are Martin Knott, Jr., and Damian O’Doherty.
  • When they are all in a car together, the engine makes this noise: potatopotatopotato.
  • That’s racist, but so is the name “Damian O’Doherty.”
  • That name was clearly made up by a condescending Englishman.
  • Why not Finnegan O’Shamrock?
  • It’s like if you were writing a screenplay and had an Irish character and named the guy Damian O’Doherty in the first draft and meant to come back and change it, but you never did.
  • If you say the name out loud, you can almost see the ginger lasses and the ginger lads doffing their cable-knit sweaters to take showers in waterfalls.
  • And on an ancient path stomped out by ancient Hibernian feet, a shepherd ambles alongside his flock; they pass the village priest.
  • “Ay, Father McSullivan.”
  • “Ay, Damian O’Doherty. How are ye, son?”
  • “Family starved t’death, Father. You?”
  • “Knee is givin’ me a true bother.”
  • “Ay.”
  • “Ay.
  • Potatopotatopotato.

Goddammit, what did I say?

I covered much more material! I went all the way to Ireland.

You are not a team player.

No.

Did you have a point when you started typing, or did you just start typing?

The second thing.

Right.

I do have one question, and it’s serious.

Fine.

I would like to know more about these Wall Street Deadhead clubs.

Yeah. Me, too.

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