“Step right up and put your money down on these GEN-u-ine shorts made from the finest of terried cloth. They are cut above the knee; elastic holds them up; each thigh bears a hand-stitched piece of colorful doodaddery.
“But that’s not why you want ’em.
“THESE here shorts were once worn by Jerry Garcia.
“On that hot summer day in Chicago, he played his last notes on this earth and then Mr. Garcia? Well: Jesus called him up to jam and that’s an invitation no one turns down.
“That good man died, but he left us these good shorts and we have not washed them. There is still some Jerry left on ’em, I guarantee that and so does this Letter of Authenticity.
“Not only does this piece of rock and roll–no: American–history come with a Letter of Authenticity, but that Letter comes with its own Certificate of Authenticity. That is as authentic as it gets, folks.
“What true Deadhead wouldn’t want to have a pair of piss-flecked gym shorts worn on a summer’s day by a dying fat man hanging in their homes?
“I’ll even pick up the shipping & handling.”