Sharp-Dressed Men

by thoughtsonthedead

The last post’s GIF was from this interview Garcia and Bobby did for MTV News (Warning: contains no news) to promote the video for Foolish Heart. The first bit is about the same thing every other interview the Dead did after Touch of grey was about: too many people are coming to see us, which is not the worst show business problem to have.

Kurt Loder never asks the obvious question, which is: if you want fewer people to come to the shows, why are you making promotional videos and sitting for interviews about said promotional videos? In Kurt Loder’s defense, no one else–inside or out of the organization–ever asked that question, either.

Then they play the video for Foolish Heart, which is not just terrible, but deeply lazy. Patently, clearly, obviously lazy. Some of the Dead (we’ll get to that) stood on a little stage and mimed the song three times. Tops: three times. One master, and two more takes for coverage and close-ups. They dressed up a little, and got haircuts, but there was no trying whatsoever this day.

Afterwards, the director and the editor took the footage and ran it through all sorts of filters and did all kinds of tricks with it, then intercut it with old-timey movie footage and a heart-themed animated collage during the guitar solo. None of it can obscure the Olympian achievement in half-assery the Dead was a part of this day.

At the end of the video, however, is where the true Enthusiast finds the gold: the glamour shots. Each of the Dead present that day (we’ll get to that part) gets a solo close-up and each of them behaves in precisely the way you’d imagine.

brent foolsih heart
This is a glamorous as Brent got at this point; it is also–I swear–the totality of his close-ups. It took me ten minutes to crop it perfectly to get just as much Brent as I could, but there is not much Brent. He seems sad and has chosen not to visit Big-Dicked Sheila’s Hair Salon for Rock Stars and Their Ilk, instead choosing to ask a stranger at the public library to cut his hair.

mickey foolish heart
Mickey, however, did take the ride down to Little Aleppo to see Sheila; he came away with this look, which makes him look like an Italian student who joined the Red Guard, but just for the ass.

Mickey is also pretending that he sings backup vocals because–you have to admit–it’s the Mickiest thing he could do. Is he just singing the line because it contains his name? If so, does that make this act even Mickier? I can’t see how much more Mickey Mickey could get, honestly.

phil foolsh heart
Phil rode down to Big-Dicked Sheila’s with Mickey and knew what he wanted.

“Big-Dicked Sheila–”

“Just Sheila’s fine.”

“–I’m thinking about a collarless white shirt with a black jacket. For hair, I’m thinking about a blowdried helmet of medium length. How would that look?”

“Like Han Solo.”

“Bingo. Let’s do this thing.”

Also: Phil doesn’t have his glasses on, so Phil has no idea what’s going on.

bobby foolish heart
Fun fact: that’s the tuxedo Sal Mineo was buried in. Also, this was the conversation between Phil and Bobby before the glamour shots:

“You doing Han Solo?”

“Yup. You?”

“Full-on crazy eyes.”

“Nice.”

“Leave it all on the field, y’know?”

“Sure, Bob.”

jerry foolish heart
And then–speaking of haircuts–there are these. Garcia has easily four or five haircuts on his head at the same time in this video. There are poofs and swoops and curly-cues and bilateral asymmetry: if you saw a guy at, say, the bowling alley bar with this haircut, you would gaze in wild wonder.

(I feel that the bowling alley bar has not been modernized or streamlined or brought up to code in any way, and that it is as it has always been. The bar at the bowling alley is authentic, which means it should be avoided at all costs.)

And that’s it for the glamour shots. Billy didn’t do one because Billy didn’t show up because Billy was somewhere he had been ordered by a judge. Which, now that I think about it, is actually the Mickiest thing to do.

Billy wins.

ADDENDUM: Commentator SpamJam has noted that Billy is indeed present in the video, as proven below:

billy foolish heartI stand by my analysis: Billy might have been in the video, but he wasn’t in the building.

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