The Teen Of Rock Criticism

by thoughtsonthedead

Longtime readers will vaguely recall someone named Maggie, who is Swaggie. Maggie is a young person who is enthusiastic. She enjoys saying things in the Comment Section that make people feel old; occasionally it is accidental and those are the times it hurts the worst.

As she was born within the past month, seemingly, Maggie did not get a chance to see the Dead, but recently has seen Phish for the first time and last night went into the big bad city to catch Dark Star Orchestra. After the Phish show, she gave us a guest-post, which was well-received. The minor praise went to her head and she has now declined to do a guest-post, but has graciously consented to an interview.

Maggie?

“AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!”

What are you doing?

“BEING ENTHUSIASTIC.”

I see. What are you doing?

“Running in CIRCLES I LOVE CIRCLES to run in.”

Stop it: watching you is making my knees hurt.

“The Dead is AWESOME. Are awesome? Is awesome? Which is it? I DO NOT KNOW THINGS.”

Okay. How was the show?

“At first I was SO NERVOUS and was like THEY WILL EAT ME OMIGOD WOOKIEES AND DADS.”

And then?

“The theater was literally in Beverly Hills. Literally literally. Like, if you sent it a letter BECAUSE U WERE AN OLD, then the zip code would be 90210.”

Pretty safe.

“Also I was with my dad.”

That’s actually really sweet . My father and I did not do stuff like that. Wish that we–

“AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!”

Stop running in circles!

“now i am sad”

Are you on the floor now?

“trash goes on floor”

What the fuck is happening?

“SWAG! I’M BACK AND AWESOME.”

This is exhausting.

“Everyone was SO nice and the place was SO pretty and I DANCED and MY DAD DANCED and it was fun.”

Sounds great.

“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!”

Stop it. How was DSO?

“Obviously, you have to evaluate them not as artists, but as forgers: this raises perhaps a more interesting question – At what point does the act of imitation become itself art? Can transcription ever–through utter precision and accuracy–become a separate but equal art form aside from the original creation? “Creator” and “forger” are stories we tell: if there are two objects that are identical, which is art and which is work? You might call it Elmyr’s Conundrum.”

What?

“AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!”

Better.

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