Thoughts On Canadian Thanksgiving Without Research

by thoughtsonthedead

  • Absolutely not.
  • No.
  • First off, I don’t think it’s a thing and if it is a thing, I’m gonna unmake this thing.
  • The ban on research is total, but I will allow myself this: I’m gonna ask Siri and then I can look at whatever she pulls up.
  • I will not, however, click through to any pages
  • Here I go.
  • Fuck my balls and call me Cathy, you syrupdicks stole our holiday.
  • How could you do this to America?
  • There are no tighter bros than America and Canada.
  • We make Trinidad and Tobago look like acquaintances, man.
  • And you do this.
  • You didn’t even have the common courtesy to rename it: you were brazen in your theft.
  • Make something up, at least: Gratitude Day.
  • Do like the Wookiees and have Life Day.
  • But don’t just go slapping a “Canadian” in front and claim that shit with a straight-face.
  • Guy with a fast computer in his basement could turn Captain America in The Avengers into Captain Canada pretty easy, and it would be amusing, but no one would be fooled.
  • No one is fooled by this, either, Canada.
  • Thanksgiving commemorates the time when Americans and Indians shared a meal without a fight or a broken treaty breaking out.
  • People of color and white people had one pleasant meal and it’s been celebrated for 400 years.
  • Which one shouldn’t think about too long.
  • There was cranberry and turkey and greenbeans and pumpkin pie.
  • There was no poutine.
  • Stop this, Canada.
  • Stop it right now.
  • ¿Se puede volver Cinco de Mayo a nosotros, por favor?
  • Shut up, Mexico.