Thoughts On Canadian Thanksgiving Without Research
- Absolutely not.
- First off, I don’t think it’s a thing and if it is a thing, I’m gonna unmake this thing.
- The ban on research is total, but I will allow myself this: I’m gonna ask Siri and then I can look at whatever she pulls up.
- I will not, however, click through to any pages
- Here I go.
- Fuck my balls and call me Cathy, you syrupdicks stole our holiday.
- How could you do this to America?
- There are no tighter bros than America and Canada.
- We make Trinidad and Tobago look like acquaintances, man.
- And you do this.
- You didn’t even have the common courtesy to rename it: you were brazen in your theft.
- Make something up, at least: Gratitude Day.
- Do like the Wookiees and have Life Day.
- But don’t just go slapping a “Canadian” in front and claim that shit with a straight-face.
- Guy with a fast computer in his basement could turn Captain America in The Avengers into Captain Canada pretty easy, and it would be amusing, but no one would be fooled.
- No one is fooled by this, either, Canada.
- Thanksgiving commemorates the time when Americans and Indians shared a meal without a fight or a broken treaty breaking out.
- People of color and white people had one pleasant meal and it’s been celebrated for 400 years.
- Which one shouldn’t think about too long.
- There was cranberry and turkey and greenbeans and pumpkin pie.
- There was no poutine.
- Stop this, Canada.
- Stop it right now.
- ¿Se puede volver Cinco de Mayo a nosotros, por favor?
- Shut up, Mexico.