Current Fashions Set The Pace

by thoughtsonthedead

Billy was banished from Front Street and the toaster was sent back to the kitchen, where he pouted and burned bagels out of spite. The clothes were coming along, though.

Mickey had to be barred as well, when it was revealed that he was stealing more shirts than the tailors were pumping out, which seems mathematically impossible until you realize that it is. Mickey was stealing so many Dead shirts that he had progressed to stealing the raw materials for Dead shirts and then just hired some goon and paid off the sheriff and taken over a cotton farm in Mississippi. At this point, Mickey realized he had no idea how a cotton farm was run, but he had seen movies on how cotton plantations were run and it ended poorly and with many people being sent to the Problem Attic.

Bobby knew many things: how to do sick wheelies on his BMX, and he could play guitar and sing, but the only thing he knew about the business side of fashion was that it seemed like a Jewish job.

Nevertheless, Bobby set out to educate himself. He would have gone to the library, but I forgot to create any.

“Jer, were you aware of this?”

“The no-library thing?”


“First I’m hearing of it.”

“Doesn’t seem right.”

“There are bookstores.”

“Sure, there’s Barnes & Patterson’s.”

“The place that only sells James Patterson books, sure.”

“And across the street is Fuck Patterson’s.”

“The place that sells everything but James Patterson books, yeah.”

“What about Dollar or Centipede?”

“The place where every book you buy has a dollar in it? Or a live centipede?”

“That’s the one.”

“And the place with all the Nazi books: what’s that one called?”

“Nazi Book Place.”


“Good coffee, though.”

“And no centipedes.”


“Who’s talking?”

“No idea. Jackass?”

Am I the one being referred to in such a manner?

“Did you forget to make libraries?”




Stop this. Do not rebel against me. It is forbidden.

“You going anywhere with the fashion story?”

Big show in New York.

“Do you have anything besides fashionista jokes?”


“Is it Billy calling Andre Leon Talley ‘Branford?'”


“What I’m hearing is that we’re done here.”

“Gonna get a beer and a beej.”

“Ooh, beer and beej.”


“I’m still here.”

Oh, fuck off, Brent.