Thoughts on the Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Primo Donna

donna phil color m'lady

From Halloween sometime in the late-seventies, we see Mrs. Donna Jean in her Cousin It costume.

Also, Phil is about to eat her.

Dick Pics

Billy once had nudes leak, and by that I mean he went to the mall naked and posed in front of the security cameras until the SWAT team was called.

Who’s On First?

bobby tour shirt 80

Every time Bobby looked down, he would shout “Wait: we’re fucking opening?” and it took a while to calm him down.

Blow-Up

jerry huge 80s

Garcia got fat in ways mere mortals hadn’t even considered. Who gets chubby wrists?

Black, White, And Dead All Over

band publicity 80

Aw, look at Brent over there trying to be handsome at the camera and Bobby’s all, “No, kid: only give ‘em 3/4ths of your handsome. Make the camera beg for it!”

Also: Heineken.

If You Can’t Be An Artist

art jerry oils

TotD makes a long-awaited return trip to the Museum of Terrible Dead Art, where he is a patron and is therefore entitled to free entry on Tuesdays, one free cup of coffee a month, and two-for-one passes to the laser show, which has not been built yet.

Multiple levels of patronage are available, and the Museum is always looking for donors.

Gold members get free access to the exhibits after regular hours, plus guided tours from Phil that quickly degenerate into harangues about how you’re wearing “the wrong shoes.” Phil will not explain his shoe metric to you, but you’re on the shitty side of it, rest assured. Gold members also have the option of going number two in a urinal. Totally up to them, but most do.

Diamond level membership is a world of luxury, felonies, and no-strings arson. A world without limit or reason. Diamond members are–while in the Museum of Terrible Dead Art–above the law and beyond the glare of God. Morality shrieks and cowers in the face of the Diamond member: his whim is Law and his seed is Magick. Abbadon the Unforgiving is summoned three to four times a week by Diamond members, who also receive 15% off churros at the snack bar.

Cubic Zirconia level members are hunted down like animals, no-money-having dirtbags.

Billy level membership is expensive, sure, but you get to touch the docents.

Dead Cross

In response to the current Ebola epidemic in West Africa, Mickey called the UN and offered to put together a non-profit group, Drummers Without Borders, to help in any way he could. His calls were not returned.

Billy left a drunken message late one night claiming to represent Drummers Without Trousers and then he started ranting about the Lichtensteinians and threatening to “punch that principality right in the dick,” and then the tape cut off. His call was also not returned.

Rock And Roll Fantasy

bobby tele old shorts

First rule in being an aging guitarist: try not to look like one of the goober dads at Rock and Roll Camp.

Shirt/Off

phil bobby billy awful shirts

In much quieter and more insidious ways, Bobby’s shirt is far worse than Phil’s.

But, not really.

Won’t You Tie-Dye Just A Little Bit Harder

phil aeful haircut awful shirt

The ony excuse for this shirt is that at Phil’s feet is a bag containing his actual clothes, which were cut off at the emergency room.

There is no excuse for that haircut.

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